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For those who have not been able to tell from my recent and sometimes rather vulgar tweets and Facebook posts, I have a project at work that is blowing up in my face this week. And I think I've finally realized why it's pissing me off so much (not that it makes it any better). You see, I am not used to this. I test the living crap out of things, so that when it comes time to implement them they work and if there is any issues, it's normally just a few small kinks to work out. Well, despite testing the crap out of it, this project has not gone nearly as smoothly as I would have liked or hoped for.

It's really like the perfect storm of things going really wrong. Some of these things I've been able to work through and resolve after many hours and much bashing of my head against the proverbial wall. But, I'm still left with two key and critical issues that I just don't think I am going to be able to fix. And for that reason, I'm pretty sure I will end up pulling the plug on this project at least temporarily and most likely, unless their is some Microsoft Christmas Day miracle, permanently.

And that's what pisses me off. I don't like failure at all (who does?) so I work extremely hard to not let projects fail. And since I am one of those weirdos who actually cares about their jobs and takes pride in what they do, it is bugging me so damn much as I see the failure of a project as a reflection of myself. I also don't think my coworkers realize how much this has been pissing me off and how this has been totally stressing me out. All my coworkers see is that a program they use is not working like it should. What they really don't see is the countless hours in planning, researching, and testing this before decideding to roll it out. They also don't see all the hours I put in late in to the evenings and weekends, trying to beat this damn thing in to submission.

And then add this on to everything else that seems to be going wrong at the same time and my normal day to day job duty's and I think I might just *expletive* explode. The other thing adding to all of this stress is that it is year end. There is so much planning, testing, and work that has to be done to close out our systems at work (and yes, it's my responsibility if you did not know).

So, if you happen to see me and I happen to bite your head off or am not really chipper or don't look happy, now you know why. And by chance if you see me and I look happy, you can assume a few things. One, I've snapped. In which case, RUN! Two, there was a Christmas miracle and by the grace of all things Holy, I made it all work. Or, I just said F it all, and stopped giving a damn...

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Kevin Murray

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