Kevin Murray (claystorm) wrote,
Kevin Murray

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Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the New Mexico Market

So, after posting the last list, I remembered that I had this in a an e-mail from a few years back or so. Given the fact that this used to be an e-mail, I know some of you have read this, but thats ok, cus it's still worth a good laff. These are close to true, but should old be taken as face value cus it's all in good fun. Again this is behind a cut cus of the lenght.

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the New Mexico Market:

Santa Fe Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold in Santa Fe. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named wolf and an authentic adobe house: Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Northeast Heights Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone
sold separately.

Espanola Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy Low Rider with dark tinted windows and a Meth-Lab-Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Hair spray and fake fingernail kit available.

Sandia Heights Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Clovis Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Canyon Road Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends on Canyon Road. Percocet prescription available.

Valencia County Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Belen Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Taos Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow.” She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Taos Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Nob Hill Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Raton Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is cause he's always hunting.

Hobbs Barbie
This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.

Trinidad Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.

Rio Rancho Barbie
She is a Software Engineer with great social skills. Comes with a laptop and cell phone. Can juggle late night phone calls and supervising not quite adult children. Grandchildren at no additional cost.
Optional Barbie neck brace available.
If I can think of / find any more New Mexico jokes, I post them to my journal.

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