Over the last week or two, I have been thinking about the alarming number of gay youth, teens, and young adults who have committed suicide this year and all the attention its getting. I am loving the "It gets better" project started by the amazing Dan Savage and all of the star power behind it, including the amazing Ellen DeGeneres who made this video..
As I was thinking about that, I started to think to myself that there were still people who did not know that I was gay. While I have been out to some of my family and friends for 8 to 10 years now, it had dawned on me that there were still people who did not know. If you happen to be one of those people, I hope that you will not take it personally. Even being out of the closet so to speak for 8 to 10 years, telling people that I am gay is still something that does not come easy to me and I doubt ever really will.
Its not that I am ashamed of myself or anything like that, really its more that I am afraid of how people will react. As a lot of gay people can attest to, you are never sure how someone is going to react when they find out that you are gay. Some people who are gay take the view that they are better off without those who do not like that they are gay. For me, I value deeply my friendships I have with my family & friends and do not want to loose that over something that I have no control over. For that matter, a lot of GLBT youth worry about their parents, their very own flesh and blood, kicking them out on to the streets (it happens a lot more then you might think or want to believe). Now, I am very lucky. Both of my parents, my sister, and my grandma are very supportive of me and have always been so. For that, I am very lucky & thankful.
So for those of you who did not know (even if you might have suspected), and even those who have know, I am sure you might have some questions. So, in an attempt to cut you off at the pass so to speak, I am going to try and answer some of these questions here and now:
How long have you known that you were gay?
I've known that I was gay ever since I've been sexually aware or basically since puberty. There was a short time in high school, when I tried to convince myself that I was not. Also, nothing has "made" me gay, just in-case you were wondering. I was born gay and nothing is going to change that.
Does this mean your going to change who you are?
No, I am the same person you have always known and will continue to be the same person. Just because I am gay and now completely "out" does not mean that I am going to act, talk, walk, or dress differently. I have always been me and thats not going to change.